Bloggers Unite for Human Rights
UPDATE!
Today, the California Supreme Court overturned the gay marriage ban sighting that the ban against gay marriage is unconstitutional. Read about in the Los Angeles Times.This is HUGE news and HUGE progress. I was so excited to hear the news, I began to cry. This kind of thing is exactly what Joanne and I are hoping for. Barring any unforeseen disputes of this judgment, you can bet that Joanne and I will begin to plan a wedding to take place in our home state of California.
Today, Blog Catalog is hosting Bloggers Unite for Human Rights. While I have not participated in previous Bloggers Unite posts, this topic was one that appealed to me on a very personal level. So, I take a break from my normally scheduled how to for bloggers posts to share with you my very personal human rights fight.
As most of my readers know, I’m a very happy open lesbian. For the last 6 ½ years I have shared my life with my very wonderful partner, Joanne. Just 2 ½ years ago, we became a family by adopting our daughter, Zadey Jade.
And as smooth as Zadey’s adoption was, including being allowed to adopt her as a couple, as a lesbian, lesbian couple, and lesbian family, we’re fighting for some basic rights that heterosexual couples do not even have to think about.
With this post, I want to tell you what those rights are and how you can join the movement to give LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) couples the very basic human rights that you’re used to.
Marriage
Still governed by religious beliefs, LGBT couples are not permitted to marry each other in the United States. This very thing is the number one reason why the following rights are not available to us.
Joint Taxes
While this month many taxpayers are receiving a tax rebate check, Joanne and I are receiving a lesser amount because we are not a legally married couple without the ability to file taxes as a joint couple. If we were a straight couple, our domestic partnership status would enable us to file state taxes together, however not federal. (Even though we live in Las Vegas, NV where there are no state taxes.)
Health Care
Unless a company chooses to recognize our individual domestic partnership status, many LGBT couples do not have access to adequate health care.
Fortunately, this is one case where Joanne and I are covered. Joanne has worked for Target for the last 13 years. Target is dedicated to human rights, equal rights for same-sex couples, and our families. Not only covering my health care as Joanne’s domestic partner but Zadey’s health and well being as well. This is just one of the many reasons why I am very pro-Target and anti-Wal-Mart. [ Target Community ]
Illness
Should either Joanne or I fall ill tomorrow and be admitted to the hospital, there are no laws in place to force the hospital to allow us to state each other’s rights, allow us visits, or give us any respect or consideration. We’re treated as single, un-married people and by that nature; our next of kin is our respective parents.
For me, this means that if something happens to Joanne, I must rely on her Mother to listen to me regarding Joanne’s wishes for her health care. And while I’m close with her Mom, I believe that given bad circumstances she’d be unwilling to listen to me state my case. And regardless, the presence of Joanne’s Mother would still not permit me to visit Joanne if she were ill.
Could you image what it would be like to not visit your husband or wife if they were ill, sick, or even worse, dying? What if you never had your moment and it was taken from you?
Social Security
As someone who will probably spend the rest of her life as an entrepreneur, I will have little social security benefits available to me when I retire. What I do have will come from jobs I held between 16 and 23 – not enough to sustain me. Should I lose Joanne in our old age, her social security will not be available to me because I am not married to her. After Zadey turns 18 years of age, it’ll be Zadey who will become Joanne’s next of kin and by then, she still won’t have rights to Joanne’s social security because she will be “of age.”
Adoption
While Joanne and I had a smooth process, there are more states than not that do not allow same sex couples to adopt. Many of the most headline making attempts to adopt by same sex couples coming from Florida however, they’re not the only state that does not permit same sex adoptions.
In fact, only 19 of our 51 states allow same sex adoptions. Many of these adoptions are taking place in a two step process. One person from the couple adopts a child and the second partner comes in to do a second-parent adoption after the child has been taken out of the state’s custody.
Our Options
Many of the fundamental rights that heterosexual couples have, homosexual couples can obtain by hiring a lawyer and having documents drawn to state our wills and wishes. It’s not bullet proof, it still doesn’t mean our rights won’t be questioned and it still doesn’t mean that the law that is in favor of heterosexual couples won’t harm the financial expense we bare in an attempt to safe guard our non-existent rights.
The truth of the matter is that LBGT couples often times foot the expense of having legal papers drawn to give our partners the same rights that straight couples get just by taking vows.
Civil Unions
Happening all over our country, and world, a civil union can be performed by anyone. But this very thing does not give us any legal rights.
Religion
Let’s be frank, your religious belief and God has no place in my home or my bedroom. You wouldn’t push your religious beliefs on me if you came to my door to preach and I declined. Why should I be forced to live with your religious beliefs within my home and to fight for my human rights?
Small Progress Harmed
In February 2004, Mayor Gavin Newsom opened San Francisco, California up to gay marriages stating that the law prohibiting gay marriage in the United States was unconstitutional.
Joanne and I became witnesses to a gay marriage held in San Francisco during this time. We spent days on the court steps with our friends, waiting for their turn for a go at the very right to get married and have their love recognized by the country.
At this moment, I’d like you to note that Joanne and I did not get married and chose not to. Instead, we decided that we hadn’t been together long enough and that by taking vows ourselves we’d be disrespectful of the couple we were there to witness; a couple that had been together for 15 years at the time. Our friends from church who also got married had been together for 25 years when they were married in San Francisco.
By May of 2004, all of the gay marriages that took place in San Francisco were annulled sighting the marriages as unconstitutional. Today, those marriage licenses issued to the thousands of lucky couples are nothing more than symbols of the loss of hope and progress our country made, for only a second.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
A policy implement by the Clinton administration in 1993, the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy indicates that you should not ask the sexuality of anyone serving in the US military. Those who come out while serving for our military are subject to being discharged. [ More Information ]
Get Involved
Consider this and allow me to appeal to your humanity to take action.
If your God believes that all people are created equally, shouldn’t we be treated as such? If you teach your children that we should love our neighbors, can you demonstrate that by example and show your children that you will not inflict hate upon others by not giving them the same fundamental rights that you have?
You don’t have to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or even know someone that is to care about this lack of basic rights. Many organizations that fight for LGBT human rights are setup so that everyone can get involved.
Lastly, if you don’t think the cause doesn’t pertain to you because you don’t know someone affected, you’ve finished this post – I’m affected.
Links
HRC (Human Rights Campaign)
Public Agenda: Gay Rights
Divided We Fail
Speak Out
Gay Rights Watch
Gay Politics
Comments On This Post
There is enough hate in this world that hate and/or negative comments will not be tolerated on this post. With enough hate in the world for my life and my love, I’m keeping my blogging space clear of that. If you don’t like who I am, your recourse is to simply not read what I have to say…
Stefanie Says:
I am touched by your post, especially your last words, “I’m affected.” I, too, posted on this subject for Bloggers Unite, and the gay person I mentioned is my little brother (although I would prefer that if you comment, you don’t mention that, our father doesn’t know), who also happens to be my best friend. I have been in strong support of the LGBT community for many years now, but because of the stigma caused by anti-homosexual activists, my brother was scared to tell me he was gay, even though he knew without a doubt that I would support him. It tore me apart watching him cry when he tried to tell me, even though he said that I knew long before he did.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Lori Says:
VERY well written post Katy. I really like the way you put the religion parts. I’m not religious by any means but it’s easy to ruffle feathers of those who are. You didn’t do that though….
WONDERFUL post!
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Sarah Says:
Very well written post Katy, and you’re right, on all counts.
I’m 100% for equal rights across the board, and I agree, the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for the military is shit and needs to be done away with.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Sugar and Sprouts Says:
Beautifully written. I couldn’t agree more. If an individual church doesn’t want a same-sex marriage, fine. Religious preference and all. But if a church does want to allow it (and I know of several that would) it should be recognized as should civil marriages. Simply having civil marriages takes the church out of it anyway. It is saying the marriage can exists whether you have religion or not, believe in God or not. ANd many same-sex couples have deep religious, but again, there are churches out there that are not so archaic in their belief structures. I guess in that situation it would take some doing, but even that would be possible.
Keep hoping that at least this country finally takes the right step toward respect for all living things come election day!
GO VOTE!
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Stefanie Says:
I wanted to let you know that I am linking to this post from mine. I hope you don’t mind, but I will remove it if you want me to.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
buy property Says:
Hi Katy, I have to say you are brave and lucky to be born in USA. And what you wrote changed my opinion on homosexual somewhat. In China, gay change their partner so frequently. It looks like there is no true love among gays there. They are not accepted by the public at all. They have to cheat their families. Things are changing, not so fast as that happens in North America. But it changes toward a good direction.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Katy Says:
In regards to your second comment about linking back, thank you for asking permission and the link back would be very appreciated, thank you.
Lori » Thank you! Religion is the hardest part about this topic, thank you for mentioning how I handled it because I wasn’t sure how that part would be taken by a lot of people.
Sarah » Thank you! And as someone who’s been my friend for several years now, your support and understanding has been quite amazing — thank you for that.
Sugar and Sprouts » Excellent point you bring up to VOTE! Ah, if only more people actually would we might actually have a country a lot of us want to live in and feel that we can.
Buy Property » Thank you very much. It’s difficult to grasp that other countries may not be the same as the US although, it’s really not that great here either even though I realize it could be even worse. While there are “bed hoppers” here in US as well, there are just as many if not more seriously committed homosexual relationships. Joanne and I will celebrate 7 years together this December and I hope and pray everyday that we’ll have 100 years together. God willing. :D
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Lori Says:
Did you hear the news Katy! California allows marriages now..handed down by the big wig courts!! :)
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Katy Says:
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Sarah Says:
Katy, when I read the news on the Wii (hee hee), I immediately thought of you, and went (quite loudly) “Katy just wrote about that!!”
Josh and I were talking about it and he was excited about the overturn as well. Surprised the crap out of me because I had no idea that he felt that way, :)
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Lori Says:
I’m so happy for you and Joanne!!! And for ALL the gays….LOL.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Connie Says:
I knew you’d handle this topic with poise and with heart. Very well written as always.
Your story touches me in many ways. I am a Christian but I don’t judge. I know that you did not choose to be gay. I’m so happy that you were able to adopt. Here in Florida gay couples can’t even be foster parents. How awful is that?
About the health issues, would an Advance Directive making you Joanne’s Health Care Surrogate and vice versa mean anything?
I look up to you even more Katy after reading this….
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Stefanie Says:
I don’t think I’ve ever commented this many times on one post before, lol. My brother is definitely the strongest person I know. He’s younger than me, but it doesn’t matter, he is still my role model. Our mom said that our dad once agreed with her that he would love his child no matter if they ended up being gay or not, but the comments he was making a year or so ago are the reason my brother hasn’t told him yet. He seems to have calmed down about it now, he doesn’t make rude comments anymore, but my brother is still afraid. He has the full support of me and our mom, who has known for about a year or so now. I honestly think that my dad knows, he just doesn’t KNOW, in the sense that he hasn’t been told… does that make sense?
Anyway, it has been a very overwhelming day, my brain feels fried from all the posts I’ve read! I spent about 8 hours putting together that list of all the posts, and there’s still more to do! The good news from California definitely sweetens the day quite a bit, though :) Hopefully more states will follow soon.
Posted on May 15th, 2008
traveler Says:
is openly discussed topic in usa? thats good. there are all sorts of problems of that here in my country. my fren is a gay i respect him n he respects me. yea both of us guy. he can hv all the guy frens he wans n still hv good frens like me as normal guy fren n totally respecting each other likes n dislikes. he is one of my best frens even thou im not gay. everyone in this world should learn how to respect each other. n everyone should have the right to do watever they wan as long they are not hurtin some other people dont they.
Posted on May 16th, 2008
VeraBradley Says:
I guess all the gays in California now are celebrating in the masses!! :D
Posted on May 16th, 2008
Katy Says:
Lori » Funny! Thank you!
Connie » What an incredibly sweet comment and compliment. And so appreciated on a post like this. As for Florida, the laws restricting gay and lesbian families there is enough for me to not even want to visit.
Stefanie » It’s multiple comments that create a community — I’m happy to see that I’ve written something that’s moved you enough to continue to add to the conversation. With your brother, it makes complete sense. My cousin, who is gay, didn’t come out for a very long time. We all knew that when he finally said the words, it was such a relief that the pink elephant was out of the room!
Traveler » Yes, this is an openly discussed topic in the USA — a topic that’s usually filled with a lot of debate and controversy. Happy to hear that you can have an open, honest relationship with your gay friend.
VeraBradley » I’m sure they are celebrating, and they deserve it. This is long awaited and too long overdue.
Posted on May 16th, 2008